Sunday, November 25, 2012

Bakin'

Hello! I hope you all have had a lovely holiday and haven't missed me too terribly much. I haven't had any good ideas for a post in a while, hence my absence. That and I haven't had any time whatsoever. Anyway, today, we have a first in the Happenings history, in which I am going to make an attempt at a recipe.

Cream Cheese and Raspberry Tarts

1. Begin with the following recipe:
-2 8 ounce packages cream cheese
-1 cup of sugar
-2 eggs
-1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

2. Realize you only have 4 ounces of cream cheese.

3. Adapt accordingly.
-4 ounces of cream cheese
-1/4 cup of sugar
-1/8 tsp of vanilla extract
- ...1 egg?

4. Take your leftover Pillsbury pie dough out of the fridge. (By the way: you need leftover Pillsbury pie dough.)

5. Set the dough aside for now. You'll deal with that later.

6. Put your cream cheese in a bowl and beat it with a fork until it's smooth.

7. Non-commitally begin to add the sugar, just in case you got your measurements wrong.

8. Add all of the sugar, results be damned.

9. Stir the sugar in with the cheese and add the vanilla extract.

10. Become confident when it doesn't look like a disgusting mess.

11. Pause. Shouldn't you only need half an egg, technically? How the hell do you add HALF an egg?

12. Add a whole egg to the mixture, results be damned.

13. Combine it all until it's nice and smooth and slightly runny. Decide to begin photographic steps. It should look like this:














14. Stop neglecting your pie dough. Remove it from the package and put it in the microwave for 15 seconds to soften it slightly.

15. Unroll the dough onto a cutting board or directly onto your counter, because you disinfected before this whole process, right?

16. Dig a rolling pin out of whichever drawer you keep your rolling pins in and use it to roll out the dough so it's a tad larger than it is right now.

17. Retrieve a cupcake tin and grease it.

18. Using a glass or a cookie cutter, cut out 12 circles of crust.

19. Realize that your circles are too small to fully cover your cupcake tin holes.

20. Adapt accordingly. Retrieve some cupcake papers.

21. Line the tin with the papers and place a dough circle within each one. It should look like this:















22. Stop neglecting your cream cheese mixture. Put a spoonful of it into each cup. Hopefully it will resemble this:














23. You pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees, right? Good.

24. Put the tin in the oven and set the timer for 20 minutes. Your timer should look like this after 2 seconds.














25. Once in the oven, your tarts should look like this through the oven window:














26. Realize that you have to go to the movies with Liz in approximately 20 minutes.

27. Clean up the awful mess you've no doubt created.












28. Go get dressed because you haven't done that yet today.

29. Wait a few minutes. When the timer goes off, remove your tarts from the oven. They should be pretty puffy and look something like this:














30. Go to the movies with Liz.

31. Come home. Now that your tarts have been sitting for 2 hours, they should look more like this:














32. Now it's time for the fun part!

33. Grab the smallest pot you own.














34. Doubt the size of your pot, but use it anyway, results be damned.

35. Fill your pot about halfway with water and boil it.

36. Think about doing your APUSH homework while the water is boiling, but don't actually do your APUSH homework. Ain't nobody got time for that.

37. When the water is boiling, worry about the next step because you don't want to break anything or screw anything up.

38. Google the next step and become more confident in your findings.

39. Place a glass bowl over your pot of boiling water.














40. Place a few good spoonfuls of raspberry jam in the bowl.














41. Stir.

42. Add a pinch of sugar and 1/4 cup of water.

43. Continue stirring.

44. THERE. The jam should be smooth and runny.














45. Remove--WAIT. It's hot. Get a towel or an oven mitt or something. Don't be burning yourself. NOW remove the bowl from the pot.

46. Turn off the stove so you don't set anything on fire.

47. Take your tarts out of the papers and arrange them on a plate.

48. Plan to decoratively drizzle the sauce on top of the tarts, but because you're just not that good, make a puddle instead.














49. Enjoy the fruits of your labor.














50. Feed one to your mother. Accept lavish compliments.

See, that wasn't so hard! Only 50 steps! And they're damn tasty, too.

No comments:

Post a Comment