My Internal Monologue is a Bitch.

I've sort of recently taken up running (like, two months ago and I still can't make three miles straight), and it sucks so much. It sucks in that good way like vegetables or other healthy foods, though, where you know it's good for you so you kind of make yourself eat it. Making myself eat running is hard. Wanna know why? Take a gander at the title. Pair that with the fact that my body is physically stubborn, and it's a recipe for disaster. This song comes to mind every time I think about my internal monologue. Ironically enough, that song came on my iTunes when I was typing this, and I was like, "OMG, it knows!" sort of. I didn't say OMG. I don't say OMG. Anyway, speaking of iTunes, my frickin' iPod has been missing for weeks, no matter how much I stand in the middle of my room and yell ACCIO!!! at the top of my lungs. So, back to my internal monologue. I don't even know if I'm using the correct term here, but I don't even care. I was running today (well...walking, at this point) and I start telling myself that at the next corner I'm going to run all the way home (which didn't happen, by the way). In my head, this bitch is yelling at me like "Come on, Erin, you ran waaaay longer than this yesterday. You can do this. I don't care what anyone else thinks, you can kick everyone's butt at running," and I was like, well thanks, internal monologue, and then she goes "You are so tougher than this. You should be a freaking beast right now. What happened to that?" Great. I guess I'm just frustrated with myself or something, but I need to shut off that voice in my head that comes on whenever I run alone. Yesterday, our cross country team took our first team run, and I made it 2, probably 2 1/2 miles slightly sporadically. I mean, I'm not conditioned enough to run the whole way yet. So there were walk breaks. I've never had so much to talk to my doctor about. I keep sort of freaking out that I'm not going to make it, like "I'm asthmatic! I twisted my foot! OMG!" (see above). Then my internal monologue starts up again and goes, "You're fine, ya wimp. You're just out of shape." Which is probably mostly true. I can't run by myself, otherwise she gets to me, and my body's all like "Just watch me walk, skank." So there you go. I'm having an internal conflict or something. Add that to the list of my problems.